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Busy Philipps and Jen Gotch Reveal the Secret to Finding Real, Adult Friendships

Busy Philipps is no stranger to putting it all out there. Whether she’s co-hosting her podcast We’re No Doctors, complaining about zits on Instagram Stories, or writing about her “extra-ness,” Philipps feels like a relatable best friend to us all. She’s someone who isn’t afraid to get vulnerable—and someone who lives the phrase “real talk.”

That’s exactly what Busy Philipps did when she sat down with IRL best friend and founder of Ban.do, Jen Gotch. The two spoke at the 2019 Glamour Women of the Year Summit on Sunday, November 10, as part of the “My Best Friend, My Best Self” fireside chat.

The theme of their conversation was adult friendships—where to find them, and how to keep them. “If you want to make adult friends, you just DM them on Instagram until they answer you,” Gotch said, jokingly, though her sentiment rings true. Both she and Philipps are big advocates for using social media to foster friendships with other women. “I’ve long believed in Internet friendships becoming real-life friendships,” Philipps said. “I do think one of the wonderful things about social media is it can help you reach out to people: commenting on people’s photos, finding likeminded people through friends of friends.”

Gotch feels similarly. “When you’re younger, a lot of the friendships tend to be out of convenience,” she said. “[But] as I’ve grown up, I’m navigating toward like-minded people. I’m a big proponent in going with your gut on every decision.”

NEW YORK, NEW YORK – NOVEMBER 10: Jen Gotch and Busy Philipps speak onstage during the My Best Friend, My Best Self panel at the 2019 Glamour Women Of The Year Summit at Alice Tully Hall on November 10, 2019 in New York City. (Photo by Ilya S. Savenok/Getty Images for Glamour)Ilya S. Savenok

And Gotch knew in her gut when she met Philipps that they would be lifelong friends—so much so that she had no qualms about lending her a pair of earrings the day they met. “I just knew within two sentences of us talking, this is a person I want to give my earrings to,” she said about Philipps.

Finding friends is half the battle, though. You have to put in the effort to maintain the relationships. Both Gotch and Phillipps show up for each other by supporting their professional work. They’ve read each other’s books. Gotch watched Phillipps’ talk show. And Phillipps is a big supporter of Gotch’s company, Ban.do, which recently released necklaces with words like “Depression” and “Anxiety” on them to bring awareness to mental illness. (The proceeds go toward the nonprofit organization Bring Change to Mind.)

“Supporting friends and showing up for friends, especially when you’re a business owner, is something that’s really important,” Phillipps says. “Female friends are the thing that’s gotten me through everything.”

The two covered other topics during their chat, as well, like their social media personas. Both Phillipps and Gotch are known for being transparent on social media. Nowadays, they say authenticity is almost seen as a “commodity,” which they reject. What they share and how they act on social media is actually genuine—and they urge people to be the same with their own feeds.

“Because authenticity is this commodified thing, now it’s something people try to emulate. They want to know what the secret is. But it starts with yourself,” Gotch says.

Phillipps agrees. “I share what I want to share” she says. “Self-awareness is a key for everything.”

Find out more about Glamour‘s 2019 Women of the Year here.

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