Men Designed a Sexist World, and Women Are Tired of It

“Just reach for it. The hold is right in front of you!” says my climbing partner in Joshua Tree, California, on another fabulous day on the rock.

He means well, but men often give women unsolicited “beta,” even if we climb at their level or better. I’ve almost never seen the same men give male climbers advice.

“I told you, I can’t!” I bark back, frustrated that he doesn’t believe me.

“Just reach! It’s right there! You’re making this harder than it is!”

“Dude, I’m like seven inches shorter than you. I literally can’t reach it, OKAY?!”

The first time I understood that men are the default gender and women have to mold ourselves to fit into a world made for them (and on their terms) was a couple decades ago when I started rock climbing. At first I thought there was something the matter with me because I couldn’t climb the same routes my male friends could, even if I knew I was as fit as they were. This was back when men set most of the routes, which meant they both rated how difficult they were and got to name them. (I’ve lost count of the number of routes that have the word “bitch” or “nuts” in them.)

In America, the average man is 5’9’’, but the average woman is 5’4’’. Those crucial five inches (or more) mean that men and women will have a completely different experience of the same path. Of course, shorter-than-average men are also stuck with the routes that taller men set. But for women, it’s not just about climbs or trails.

For centuries, men have been treated as the default gender, as if the entire world is built for them. Even when men don’t want to be sexist, their lack of awareness of how gender biases work means they still participate in and uphold a sexist culture, even unknowingly. It also means that it’s not always clear to women what disadvantages we face. This is the world we were born into; it can be hard to accept how much of it is natural and how much is truly man-made.

Here’s some of what we’ve learned: In offices, thermostats are set lower, calculated for men who wear suits and have higher metabolic rates. In medicine, dosages are prescribed based on men’s bodies, which has led to dangerous side effects for women. At NASA, gear is designed for men, with too few smaller spacesuits available to send more than one woman to outer space at once. (In March, the organization had to cancel its first all-female space walk because it didn’t have enough space suits sized for two women. You can’t even escape the gender bias by leaving the planet.) Meanwhile, in factories, uniforms and equipment tend to be scaled for the average male face, weight, and height. Even crash-test dummies aren’t safe from the patriarchy, with most modeled off of tall men. Should we be surprised that women are more likely to get injured and die more in car accidents? No, we should not.

Last month the realization struck anew. A photo of a woman’s breasts, which included beautiful flower-like milk ducts, went viral. The image was treated like an alien. A never-before-seen specimen that provoked both wonder and some disgust (a response that bore a close resemblance to the ew, cooties reaction that most of us last heard on the playground). The internet went on to debate just how accurate the photos were, but the point stands: though 51 percent of the population walks around with at least some version of these structures just below our skin, a fraction of us had ever seen them before.

2019 Met Gala: Every Cheap Hair and Makeup Product Celebrities Wore

The Met Gala, a.k.a. “Fashion Prom” is pure fantasy. It’s the stuff fashion lovers dream about, where most of the looks (if done correctly) wouldn’t fit in at any other event in the world. Outfits are prepped months in advance, dresses are custom designed, and grand entrances are planned. Essentially, it’s a competition on how to out-fabulous other celebrities, and this year’s “Camp” theme offered stars plenty of opportunities to do exactly that.

While skin care prep such as penis facials (yes, really) and other treatments can cost almost as much as the gowns themselves, plenty of drugstore hair and makeup products make their way onto the red carpet. So while you may not be able to afford a custom Gucci gown (or have a place to wear it), you can certainly cop the same mascara Katy Perry wore while dressed like a human chandelier.

Ahead, we round up every drugstore hair and makeup product worn at the 2019 Met Gala. Celebrities, they’re just like us.

How Netflix’s Dead to Me Was Inspired by Creator Liz Feldman’s Life

Liz Feldman created Dead to Me, Netflix’s new dark and twisty dramedy, during a tumultuous time: She was dealing with the sudden death of a cousin, a frustrating fertility journey, and turning 40. Here, she explains how all of that inspired a show about grief, loss, and friendship.

I’ve been trying to have a baby for six years. And I won’t save the worst for last: I haven’t been successful yet.

My fertility journey has felt more like an odyssey, or if I’m being really honest, a full-on Greek tragedy. There have been painful procedures, infections, and miscarriage. Just when I thought things might be looking up, a lab technician at my Fertility Clinic lost the one egg they were able to retrieve from me. Yes, you read that right. I made one egg and they lost it. And yes, you’re totally allowed to laugh. It was my eighth egg retrieval. I had to laugh too, because I was so tired of crying.

I have learned to look at the darkest moments in life and see the comic aura around them. It’s become more than a coping mechanism; it’s my ethos. And now it’s a TV show.

I created Dead To Me, a deep, dark, twisty dramedy, in the weeks following my fortieth birthday. Turning forty can be a real mind bender, especially if you’re on fertility hormones and trying to get pregnant for what feels like the 600th time. Staring down my own mortality while trying to create life put me in a pretty dark headspace.

And then, on the day of my fortieth birthday, my cousin David died unexpectedly of a heart attack. He was fifty. I absolutely adored David. He was the heart of our family, the life of every party, and a great dad to two sweet kids. And yes, you are totally allowed to cry. I am as I write this.

The day after David passed away, my best friend Sarah told me she was pregnant with her second child. I love Sarah madly, but I had to excuse myself to go cry in the bathroom. It’s not that I begrudged her luck, I was just so ready to have some of my own. That night, I flew to New York for David’s funeral.

The following day, I had lunch in Brooklyn with my other best friend, Kelly, who told me she was pregnant. This time I didn’t cry. Instead, I was filled with a weird kind of tingly hope. Maybe this is why it took so long for me to get pregnant—so Sarah, Kelly, and I could have our kids together! Of course! I was buoyed by this thought and reinvigorated. Life does have a way of working out, I thought, until the following day, when I got my period.

A week later, I pitched the beginnings of Dead To Me, a show about two women who meet in a grief support group. Jen (Christina Applegate) and Judy (Linda Cardellini) have suffered immense loss, but they gain strength and comfort from their newfound friendship. The story, though not autobiographical, is deeply personal. The facts are made up. The feelings are real.

With Dead To Me, I have definitely experienced some incredible luck. I got to birth an idea and grow it into a show that I now get to share with the world, via Netflix. Of course, my luck didn’t come in the form I had hoped for, but life is full of twists and turns. Just ask my best friend Kelly. Tragically, five months into her pregnancy, she lost her baby. It was a devastating time. None of it made sense. Here was my beautiful, kind, wonderful friend experiencing a level of pain and loss she did not deserve. It was impossible not to be furious at the cruelty and relentlessness of life.

The Absolute 12 Best Mother’s Day Gifts 2019: Purses, Face Masks, Plants and More

Our moms do a lot for us: They raise us, they put up with us during our teen years, and, even after that, they spend the next decades worrying about us. Mother’s Day should probably be every day—but on the one official occasion we’re supposed to do it up for mom, it’s more important than ever to find a unique gift she’s going to love. So, the stakes are high. But Never fear: We’ve gone ahead and identified the absolute best of the best, the products that are just as special and cool as mother dearest.

For Mother’s Day 2019, the options include a chic piece of carry-on luggage (for all those visits to go see you, of course); a sheet mask that’s basically a hydrating, glow-inducing miracle in a packet; a tote that truly holds it all; a pair of sparkling peacock earrings that are sure to turn heads; even some house plants. We’ve also thrown in a few great picks for new moms, too, because although you can’t gift them what they really need—a two-hour nap—these gift ideas will make life a little less stressful (and yes, their sleep a little more sound).

Read on for our picks for the best Mother’s Day gifts for every kind of mom.

It Took Three Days and Countless Tests to Get Lady Gaga’s Gold Met Gala Eyelashes Just Right

Last night’s Met Gala brought out some of the most fun beauty looks we’ve seen in ages. From a parade of platinum blonde to Tessa Thompson’s whip of a braid, the Hollywood glam squads definitely outdid themselves this year.

But nobody had a bigger red carpet moment than Gala co-chair Lady Gaga—and it wasn’t just about her multiple outfit changes on the steps of the Met. She even brought her makeup and hair team into her performance on the pink carpet.

Now, makeup artist Sarah Tanno is revealing just how much work went into creating the look, including those incredible gold lashes. “For camp…it was really challenging to create that look,” she explained at a Marc Jacobs Beauty event in New York.

“You have to find the balance between exaggeration and beautiful—and with the theme, we wanted to keep it fashion but not in a cheesy kind of a way.” The actual makeup took about an hour and a half to do, she says. But that came after lots of trial runs ahead of the big day. Plus, Tanno says, “You really have to do your homework. I read all the ‘Notes on Camp’ before I even started creating looks.” (“Notes on ‘Camp'” is the famous Susan Sontag essay which was a huge inspiration for the theme.) She completely changed the creative direction after she read it.

“I think we kind of nailed it,” she said. We absolutely agree.

She says it took her three days to get the lashes just right and that was after creating 20 looks to show Gaga and the rest of her creative team. “It was a tough sell,” Tanno says. “Her stylists loved it, but you have to see how all the elements work together. I wasn’t sure if she would go for it or not, but I’m so glad she trusted me.”

To create the lashes, Tanno dipped them in glitter while they were upside down to get the bottom part of the lash line—and she had to mold Gaga’s lashes to the fakes which she did by applying mascara to the singer’s lashes first. There were actually three pairs of base lashes under the gold foils, and it took three days of trial runs to make sure they wouldn’t droop or fall off during Gaga’s entrance. The trick, she says, was using face tape (which she hid under Gaga’s wig) to keep her eyes lifted up.

Another secret to Lady Gaga’s glow was Marc Jacobs Beauty’s new Youthquake Hydra-Full Retexturizing Gel Crème ($59) which Tanno revealed she’d secretly been using on Gaga’s skin through her A Star Is Born awards season run. Honestly, I’m ready to buy it based on that fact alone. As for those electric pink lips? Tanno used Le Marc Liquid Lip Crayon in Flaming-oh! ($26) topped with Enamored Hydrating Lip Gloss Stick in Sweet Escape ($28) for shine.

Clearly it was worth the work. Here’s a few more photos to appreciate.

Here Are All the Fashion References You Might Have Missed from the 2019 Met Gala

Last night’s Met Gala had one of the most promising themes in years—guests were asked to dress for an exhibit titled “Camp: Notes on Fashion”—and celebrities ran with it. Lady Gaga turned outfit changes into performance art. Katy Perry went from a chandelier to a hamburger. And Cardi B wore $250,000 worth of rubies embedded in her look.

The most impressive looks, though, required a second look, to really understand the layers and references embedded in them. Yes, there were a handful that were unmistakeable—Zendaya as Cinderella, or Kacey Musgraves as Barbie. But the majority were much more subtle, homages to style icons from the 20th century (from Elizabeth Taylor to Cher) and lesser-known heroes of camp (like Klaus Nomi or black drag queens).

Here’s a full rundown of the fashion callbacks you might have missed on the 2019 Met Gala red carpet.

Gemma Chan

Chan’s custom, crystal-embroidered Tom Ford look—complete with a matching headpiece—was inspired by Elizabeth Taylor. The actress said so herself on Twitter, sharing images of herself on the red carpet alongside stills of Taylor in the 1968 film, Boom.

Tracee Ellis Ross

Leave it to the daughter of a camp icon to understand the theme. Ellis Ross arrived on the pink carpet wearing a literal frame around her face. On Twitter, Shelby Ivey Christie noted the similarities between the actress’ Moschino look and Lorraine O’Grady’s “Art Is…” performance from the 1983 African-American Day Parade in Harlem, where passersby were encouraged to stand inside white frames and “become” art.

Kim Kardashian

Kardashian’s “Mugler Drip” (Thierry Mugler came out of retirement to make the look) was an original design inspired by the designer’s archives—and, according to her Twitter, Sophia Loren in Boy on a Dolphin.

Lena Waithe

Waithe and Pyer Moss designer Kerby Jean-Raymond wore coordinated, reimagined zoot suits that appeared striped—but, when you looked closely, the stripes were actually quotes from hip-hop artists and members of the LGBTQ community. Even the buttons, which were made by Johnny Nelson Jewelry, were decorated with the faces of folks from these communities. The back of Waithe’s jacket read:”Black Drag Queens Invented Camp.”

Winnie Harlow

The model brought carnival to the Met with her custom Tommy Hilfiger design. “M E T my take on “Camp” is a tribute to my beloved Caribbean Carnival. See you on the carpet! ??✨,” she wrote on Instagram.

Elle Fanning

Fanning’s Miu Miu look was a hodgepodge of references, ranging from ’80s charm necklaces to Barbie. Stylist Samantha McMillen told Vogue Australia: “Prada and Miu Miu use a lot of oversized charms—whether it be on a keychain or big brooches—and we were inspired by those 1980s necklaces with the kitschy plastic charms that you can take on and off because Elle’s mum has been collecting them for years. We took that concept to Miu Miu and they made big, chunky charm necklaces for us to layer. The charms make them really special. There are ones that say: ‘The Met’, ‘Camp’ and ‘2019’, and smaller ones with flowers, animals and unicorns. There’s even a charm that is a cameo of Elle, with a picture of her from the last Met Ball she went to, the one in 2017 where she had the blue Miu Miu gown and vintage tiara. So it’s meta and it’s camp!”

“It’s Elle, but to the nth degree – super Barbie-ish and super camp,” McMillen continued.

Laverne Cox

On the red carpet, Cox talked to E! about the literary origins of her Christian Siriano ensemble. “I was obsessed with Susan Sontag’s essay in college, I read it in college and I was like…this whole idea of surfaces, and this sensibility that is historically very queer, excited me to no end,” she said. “And then, there’s another book I read in college called Camp: The Lie That Tells the Truth, and I love that title and I love that sentiment that camp is this thing that is sort of exaggerated and making fun of and commenting on, but that can reveal something that’s very truthful about our culture, our society, about humanity.”

On the Complicated, Unfortunately Relatable Sex Scene in The New Romantic

The New Romantic, now streaming on Netflix, is the kind of film you text your friends about, begging them to stream it immediately so you can discuss. At least, that’s what I did. There’s just so much to unpack. As the Netflix description reads, “Fed up with dating and debt, a naïve college senior [Blake] documents her experience of being with a wealthy, older man [Ian] [in exchange for] a gonzo journalism grant.” Yeah. (Oh, and spoilers ahead.)

While at times sweet and unassuming, the movie still addresses heavier questions around sex and dating—like slut-shaming and consent. It’s a hard tone to balance, but first-time writer/director Carly Stone debuted The New Romantic at South by Southwest last year and won the festival’s Special Jury Award.

“I was interested in exploring the idea of romantic love as being old fashioned,” Stone tells Glamour. “If you want it, does that make you a ‘bad feminist?’ For me, my early twenties were about being young but having to deal with mature issues. I wanted Blake to be a character who reflected that clash in circumstances. I think the juxtaposition makes for embarrassing, funny, and painful experiences.”

Played by Jessica Barden from Netflix’s The End of the F*ing World, Blake wrestles with these contradictions throughout the film as a somewhat skeptical (but curious!) sugar baby to author and investor Ian (Timm Sharp). She agrees to the relationship because she thinks it will help her burgeoning journalism career. You can practically feel how badly Blake wants to impress her older, male editor—and hopefully win an award in the process—by emulating the fascinating, confident sugar baby Morgan (Camila Mendes) that she meets early on.

But it’s not enough just to follow in Morgan’s footsteps or win a writing award; Blake hopes to fall in love, too. It’s the brand of blind optimism you only have the heart for when you’re young.

At first, the experience is fun for Blake. She gets a new scooter as a gift, enjoys her expensive dinners with Ian, and finds writing inspiration in the process. But it all culminates when Ian reminds Blake that their relationship is strictly transactional during a decidedly unromantic date. When Blake says she’d like to go home, he laughs her off. He takes her back to his place instead, and they have sex.

On the surface—to Ian, at least—it seems consensual. But as they have sex, you see only a close up of Blake’s face, reflecting all the emotions she’s feeling. All the pain that is being a young woman. She kisses Ian, even as tears roll down her face, then furiously wipes them away before he notices. I don’t need to tell you he’s oblivious, of course. He falls asleep happily after they finish. It’s uncomfortable to watch and a turning point in the film.

“For me, the whole film builds up to this scene,” Stone explains. “It’s the dark side of what could be considered a fairly light approach to serious subject matter. By the time Blake gets to this point in the story, she considers herself evolved and empowered. But then she’s faced with this harsh reality check.”

While it’s unclear in the movie if Blake herself would describe the encounter as sexual assault, that doesn’t make it any less brutal to watch. “I actually didn’t write the scene until a couple of weeks before we went into production. Once I realized it was necessary for the story to “go there,” I felt like the script came together,” Stone says of her decision to include the scene. “I understood what the film was about.”

I Went All the Way to the U.K. to Celebrate the Royal Baby—And It Was Not What I Expected

As I continued to approach innocent strangers about all things royal baby, I was met with even more nonchalance. I shouldn’t have been surprised; Glamour reported a similar lack of excitement in London ahead of the royal wedding. But I admit it: a small part of me was. For me and the women I know, it’s been at once a fairytale and a very real breath of fresh air to see Markle—a biracial, feminist, divorced, American actress—become part of the staunchly traditional monarchy. It’s fine that Londoners aren’t as enthused. But it’s not just a lack of excitement. In certain corners of the British press, it’s active disdain; a narrative has taken hold about Markle, pegging her as “Duchess Difficult”. On social media the vitriol is endless. There’s a group of Markle-haters who have called for a #Megxit—with the hashtag growing in use on Twitter.

When I spoke to my first (and only) royal baby enthusiast, Chantelle, a cheery 32-year-old in marketing, she was quick to point out how hard the media has been on Markle. “I think they’re tough on her because of where she came from,” Chantelle said. “She’s an actress, she doesn’t come from royalty, and she’s half black. Being mixed raced myself, it’s been amazing to see. My mom and I are obsessed with her. We watched the royal wedding with my grandma while having afternoon tea.”

I talked to a wide variety of people during my visit—from the passenger next to me on the Tube, to a timid waitress who gave me an extra helping of scones at high tea—and I never once encountered any of the hatred and judgment of Markle we’ve witnessed in the British tabloids and on social media. Instead, it seemed that it wasn’t Markle they weren’t into—but the idea of royalty itself. “I’m just not in the royal family at all; it just feels so patriarchal,” said Shannon a 28-year-old employee at the V&A museum. “But it has been awesome to see Meghan shake things up—and I hope the baby continues to do that. I’d like them to give it an American name, something cool like ‘Trey.'” (Ed note: Trey!?) In an Uber, the driver, who immigrated to the U.K. from Egypt also told me, “The royal family is for really old school, proper English people. I don’t really get involved with them, but I do like Harry. Everyone loves Harry, and then he married Meghan. They seem more similar to Diana.”

By the time the royal baby finally came, my trip had sadly ended, and I was back in New York. And for all the anticipation, it was a shockingly chill affair. The birth was announced via a simple navy blue Instagram. Markle chose not to debut the baby immediately, as Kate Middleton has done in the past. Instead, Prince Harry gave a casual announcement to the press wearing a half-zip and beaming with pride. The whole thing felt fairly normal, and void of any major pomp and circumstance. Which reminded me of a sentiment I heard from many of the people I spoke to in London, but that in all of the hoopla, I didn’t quite understand at the time.

“On the day of the royal wedding, we watched it and cared about. Just like I’m sure we’ll pay attention when the baby arrives. But it’s just a day. Life goes on. We’ll go back to our own lives,” said Alessandra, a 37-year-old clerk at Harrod’s. After Harry went back inside, I imagined the people I talked to—and the rest of the U.K.—shutting down articles, clearing push notifications, and turning off the TV. But in my Instagram feed, group chats, and Slack threads—which have spent that past 24 hours in full-on royal baby Beatlemania—the excitement continued. In the end, I’m glad that I missed the royal birth in London. At home in New York, I got to celebrate with Markle’s true, devoted subjects.

Samantha Leach is an assistant editor at Glamour. Follow her on Twitter @_sleach.

Even Kate Middleton and Prince William Don’t Know Baby Sussex’s Name Yet

Kate Middleton and Prince William gave their first on-camera interview about Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s newborn son today (May 7), and they revealed something surprising: Even they don’t know Baby Sussex’s name.

“We look forward to meeting him, and finding out what his name is going to be,” Middleton told Hello! magazine, referring to Markle and Prince Harry’s baby. “So it’s really exciting for both of them. And I’m wishing them the best in these next few weeks. It’s always a bit daunting the first time around.”

To play devil’s advocate, it’s possible Prince Harry and Markle still haven’t named their son yet. After all, the Duke of Sussex told journalists yesterday, “We’re still thinking about names. The baby’s a little bit overdue, so we’ve had time to think about it. That’s the next bit.” It’s also possible Middleton and Prince William do know the name, but they’re just playing coy.

Regardless, Prince William says he’s “absolutely thrilled” for his brother and Markle: “We’re looking forward to seeing them in the next few days. I’m very pleased and glad to welcome my brother to the sleep deprivation society that is parenting.”

He added, “I wish him all the best. I hope in the next few days they can settle down and enjoy having a newborn in their family and all the joys that come with that.”

Middleton is especially excited that Baby Sussex’s birthday lines up so closely with two of her own children: Princess Charlotte (born May 2) and Prince Louis (born April 23). “It’s such a special time, and with Louis and Charlotte just having had their birthdays, it’s such a great time of the year to have a baby,” she said. “Spring’s in the air and everything, so it’s pretty great.”

Fingers crossed we get some cute joint birthday parties next year. Check out Kate Middleton and Prince William’s new interview in the video, above.

Sophie Turner and Nick Jonas Turned the Met Gala Red Carpet Into a Game of Thrones Debate

This post contains mild spoilers for Game of Thrones. Consider yourself warned.

I’d like to personally thank Nick Jonas for bringing together two of my favorite things—the Met Gala and Game of Thrones—last night on the pink carpet. Jonas was there in attendance with his wife, Priyanka Chopra, marking an anniversary of sorts since they first met thanks to the event back in May 2017.

The couple were both dressed in sparkling silver Dior for the theme, which was “Fashion: Notes on Camp,” and they really went for it. But it was Jonas’s look in particular that got the Internet chatting as people started making comparisons between the singer and a famous Game of Thrones character: Petyr Baelish, better known as Littlefinger.

Jonas posted side-by-side images on his Instagram, and the resemblance is striking—right down to the rings, the hand placement, the facial hair, and his expression. “Sansa… We must protect the vale. #metgala #littlefinger,” he wrote in the caption, referencing his sister-in-law Sophie Turner‘s character on the show. (At one point Littlefinger took Sophie Turner’s Sansa Stark under his wing. She learned many things from him—but when he betrayed her family, she had him killed.)

Take a look:

Naturally, Turner had some thoughts. “Quit trying to manipulate me……. ugh I thought you died last season,” Turner replied in the comments section.

Fashion and Thrones fans soon collided on social media. “Nick Jonas really looking like Littlefinger Jr. at the Met Gala lmaao I’m deaaaad. #GOT,” one user tweeted. Another wrote, “I’ve been saying for years that Littlefinger from Game of Thrones looks like 50 year old Nick Jonas And now it’s coming to fruition.” One fan even thought a photo was the actor Aidan Gillen who played Littlefinger until seeing the #NickJonas hashtag.

Well played, Mr. Jonas. We think Littlefinger would be proud. Sansa Stark? Not so much.