Someone Great Is Totally New Kind of Romantic Comedy

I saw Jerry Maguire when I was around 12 years old. As an impressionable middle schooler, hormones ricocheting around my tiny body, I slurped up the on screen romance between Tom Cruise and Renée Zellweger like a Jamba Juice smoothie. While the boys my age were discovering porn, I was furiously masturbating to the idea of finding my one true love.

From Nora Ephron’s devastatingly well-written worlds in films like You’ve Got Mail and When Harry Met Sally to the whimsical, floppy-haired romances in Richard Curtis movies (hello, Notting Hill), I was just a girl, standing in front of a movie theater screen, desperate to find a man that would look at me while I was smiling at something else.

You know the look I mean? It’s a moment that appears in all the best romantic films. It’s always soundtracked by a pitch-perfect romantic song from whatever decade the movie lives in. The protagonists are doing something fun and quirky, like, shopping for fruit. The woman is in her own world, smelling apples or whatever, and he’s looking at her look at the fruit like, Wow, she’s perfect. Then the woman catches him looking at her and says something profound like, “What?” He wants to say that he loves her more than he ever thought he could love anyone—because obviously he’s kind of damaged—but instead says, “Nothing.” But the way he says “nothing” is perfect. It’s the kind of line delivery that makes you realize you should be sitting on a towel.

I wanted that. For a long time. But not anymore.

The idea of romantic love is so intrinsically tied to the way we love ourselves. When we have it, we are on top of the world. When we don’t, we feel small and worthless. We question what it is about ourselves that is unlovable, and we believe that it is our shortcomings that keep us from finding the person who’s going to make us a better, more realized person.

The very thesis of one of Jerry Maguire‘s most famous lines—”You complete me”—is the idea that there’s a void inside of you, and it won’t be filled until you find another person to fill it. With all due respect to director Cameron Crowe, a master of his craft who wrote the line, I call bullshit. I think it’s time we shatter the illusion that anyone can be completed by another person’s love. You can be uplifted, empowered, and comforted by it. But the only person that can complete you is you.

So here I am, 31 and single for the first time in eight years, angry at the genre that lied to me for so long.

But maybe it didn’t fully lie. Maybe the romantic comedy has just been focusing on the wrong romance. When I sat down to write Someone Great I knew two things: 1) There was no world where Jenny (Gina Rodriguez) and Nate (Lakeith Stanfield) could end up together at the end of this movie and 2) That the central love story would not be between Jenny and Nate, but instead between Jenny and her two best friends, Erin (DeWanda Wise) and Blair (Brittany Snow).

‘Someone Great’ Is a Totally New Kind of Romantic Comedy

I saw Jerry Maguire when I was around 12 years old. As an impressionable middle schooler, hormones ricocheting around my tiny body, I slurped up the on screen romance between Tom Cruise and Renée Zellweger like a Jamba Juice smoothie. While the boys my age were discovering porn, I was furiously masturbating to the idea of finding my one true love.

From Nora Ephron’s devastatingly well-written worlds in films like You’ve Got Mail and When Harry Met Sally to the whimsical, floppy-haired romances in Richard Curtis movies (hello, Notting Hill), I was just a girl, standing in front of a movie theater screen, desperate to find a man that would look at me while I was smiling at something else.

You know the look I mean? It’s a moment that appears in all the best romantic films. It’s always soundtracked by a pitch-perfect romantic song from whatever decade the movie lives in. The protagonists are doing something fun and quirky, like, shopping for fruit. The woman is in her own world, smelling apples or whatever, and he’s looking at her look at the fruit like, Wow, she’s perfect. Then the woman catches him looking at her and says something profound like, “What?” He wants to say that he loves her more than he ever thought he could love anyone—because obviously he’s kind of damaged—but instead says, “Nothing.” But the way he says “nothing” is perfect. It’s the kind of line delivery that makes you realize you should be sitting on a towel.

I wanted that. For a long time. But not anymore.

The idea of romantic love is so intrinsically tied to the way we love ourselves. When we have it, we are on top of the world. When we don’t, we feel small and worthless. We question what it is about ourselves that is unlovable, and we believe that it is our shortcomings that keep us from finding the person who’s going to make us a better, more realized person.

The very thesis of one of Jerry Maguire‘s most famous lines—”You complete me”—is the idea that there’s a void inside of you, and it won’t be filled until you find another person to fill it. With all due respect to director Cameron Crowe, a master of his craft who wrote the line, I call bullshit. I think it’s time we shatter the illusion that anyone can be completed by another person’s love. You can be uplifted, empowered, and comforted by it. But the only person that can complete you is you.

So here I am, 31 and single for the first time in eight years, angry at the genre that lied to me for so long.

But maybe it didn’t fully lie. Maybe the romantic comedy has just been focusing on the wrong romance. When I sat down to write Someone Great I knew two things: 1) There was no world where Jenny (Gina Rodriguez) and Nate (Lakeith Stanfield) could end up together at the end of this movie and 2) That the central love story would not be between Jenny and Nate, but instead between Jenny and her two best friends, Erin (DeWanda Wise) and Blair (Brittany Snow).

I Got Cheek Fillers for the First Time, and Here’s What It’s Like

Thanks to the numbing cream, I didn’t feel the opening of the injection site. The second part of the process was another story. It turns out a side effect of having so many colleagues tell me about their fillers was that I was unnecessarily nervous. Based on their fun anecdotes, I was expecting everything from loud crackling noises to the nauseating feeling of cement and needles squeezing into my facial muscles. A few even told me they began losing consciousness in the chair (I circumvented this by making sure to eat a cookie the size of my face before I showed up). You can see why I immediately tensed and braced for the worst at the first, unsettling sensation of the cannula going in.

I wasn’t numb beneath my skin, which meant I could feel something happening. But—and I promise I’m not saying this in the sadistic “It doesn’t hurt at all!” way while sitting back with popcorn when other people undergo the torture—it wasn’t nearly as bad as I had heard. It was definitely strange because it was happening in a level of my face that isn’t used to sensation, but I’d classify it as only a bit worse than getting a shot or giving a blood sample. There was just a vague, concentrated soreness, kind of like an extreme version of extractions. It was over in a couple of minutes. I suggest you spend those minutes with your eyes closed if you get squeamish.

Actually, it would have been over, but after one unit my cheeks weren’t quite as lifted as I wanted them to be. Dr. Golueke always prefers adding a little at a time, which allows you to easily request another round if desired. After examining my face in the mirror, I gave him the go-ahead to keep on injecting. We stopped after the second set, emptying a scant 1mL total of Restylane into my face, which he then massaged in so that it could settle properly. Restylane is slightly stiff and feels about as relaxing as getting a rock massaged into your cheekbone. Dr. Golueke estimates 1mL would cost around $450 in his Munich clinic, but the price will vary widely based on where you’re getting it done. In the US, expect it to be around $700—and note this is not an appointment you want to cheap out on. Happy with the final result, I held two ice packs against my cheeks for another 10 minutes, downed a cappucino, and was on my merry way back to Berlin.

I might have gotten especially lucky with my choice of derm, but my recovery was virtually nonexistent. Dr. Golueke advised me not to take any blood-thinning medications or exercise right after to minimize risk of bruising, a directive I had no problem following. My face was flushed immediately after being poked with needles—probably because, like most faces, it doesn’t really enjoy that—but the color had dissipated by the time I reached the airport. I didn’t bruise at all and I didn’t start swelling until the morning after. It was minor; on a scale of one to 10, with one being no swelling and 10 being the chipmunk cheeks you’re blessed with after wisdom teeth extraction, I was hovering around a 4. By afternoon, the swelling had gone down for good, and I was free to enjoy my remodeled bone structure in peace by engaging in my favorite activity, taking many selfies!

Jokes aside, Dr. Golueke is an artist and his work in no way resembles the kind of overdone fillers that make people so wary of them in the first place. The way he placed the material also slightly lifted and contoured my entire face, making my jawline and my overall features look sharper as a bonus. The change is subtle enough that you wouldn’t probably wouldn’t be able to pinpoint where the difference was if I didn’t point it out, but of course I have been enthusiastically pointing it out to everyone I know. Another bonus is that Restylane is based on hyaluronic acid, a moisturizing ingredient often found in serums and sheet masks. Injecting it delivers an intensely hydrating, glow-imparting effect and induces the production of collagen as well as (or better than) your most-loved topicals.

It’s Time to Put a Stop to ‘In-Betweenships’

The first time we slept together was six months later. He’d come over after a party to watch the pilot of Freaks and Geeks together. Then we regularly started hanging out to “watch more episodes.” Slowly Freaks and Geeks bled into the fabric of our lives. Always at night, only after consuming alcohol, and never without a feeling of spontaneity. At first our friends didn’t know, so we’d catch each other’s eyes from across the backyard of the stucco ranch we called Casa Moreno, the party house on campus, and sneak off into the night. To me, the knowing glances felt like magic; as if watching his eyes turn into smiling half-moons contained more meaning than any real declaration of love ever could. What I didn’t realize is that we were just too immature, too insecure, too unsure to ever verbalize what was happening out loud. Thus an in-betweenship was born.

As an English major with a taste for melodrama, I loved the idea that I was involved in something that felt impossible to label—it seemed even bigger, more complex, realer. A Farewell to Arms and Wuthering Heights were some of my favorite books. I wanted a guy like Heathcliff to love me so much that he’d dig out my corpse from a grave. So on we went, silently but in tandem.

There were other people. Hurt feelings. So many tears. But it’s hard get mad at somebody for breaking a rule you had never set. You can’t really walk away from something that never truly started. Spoiler alert: Normal People ends with Marianne telling Connell to move to New York for graduate school. “You should go,” she says. “I’ll always be here. You know that.” It’s a romantic gesture. But it’s also maddening. She knows that this thing between them is inescapable. Even the Atlantic Ocean is no match for it.

But in real life, these entanglements do end. You get older and learn that real relationships are built on communication; in fact, it’s the hallmark of a good one! And also that just because the drama is fun—if there’s a greater thrill than drunkenly screaming at someone in the corner of a party over nothing but also everything, I don’t know it—it doesn’t mean it’s good for a person’s emotional health.

It took me what felt like forever to get there. After college we both ended up in New York for the summer before he was set to move to Japan. I wish I could tell you that without the fog of patchouli oil and weed forever wafting across campus—or no longer having the Santa Ana winds (the California version of “mercury being in retrograde) to blame—that I finally wised up. But of course I didn’t. When he left, we sent each other essay-length emails that never said, “I miss you.”

Then about a year later, he came home for the holidays and I found myself yet again on the third floor of his parents’ house. And for whatever inexplicable reason, it finally stopped feeling sexy. It just felt really, really gross. Like being hungover on a merry-go-round. I’d stayed too long at the fair.

Most people aren’t like Marianne and Connell. For most, the moment will come when you realize you deserve a Noah Calhoun, or at the very least our Noah Centineo—the kind of guy who gets mad because you don’t post enough Instagrams together, not the type of guy who puts his arm around you only in public after six beers.

Samantha Leach is an assistant culture editor at Glamour. Follow her on Twitter @_sleach.

Kylie Jenner Wore a Bandana Bikini on Instagram—and It’s Available on Amazon

Kylie Jenner was one of several celebrities living their best lives at Coachella last weekend. She’s back to her regularly-scheduled Instagramming now, but she’s posting throwbacks to another trip she took recently—a much more beachy one, judging from her outfit.

On Thursday, the lip kit mogul posted a mirror picture of herself wearing a bandana-print bikini. (Bandanas, as any festival fan knows, are a big part of Coachella fashion, so this feels very in-line with the rest of the content dominating our social feeds this week.) She captioned it “throwback vacation vibes”—and has racked up over 5 million “likes” already.

Fans of the makeup mogul didn’t have to look far for Jenner’s swimsuit. It’s from Onia‘s collaboration with blogger Danielle Bernstein of We Wore What. Oh, and it’s available on Amazon.

The “Rosy” top and “Delila” bottoms are part of a Western capsule from their ongoing design partnership. They feature an orange-red bandana print and, individually, each piece retails for less than $100 on Amazon.

Amazon

Onia x We Wore What Rosy Top

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Amazon

Onia x We Wore What Delila Bottoms

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Jenner’s bikini is still available in most sizes, but prepare for it to land in carts as fast as her lip kits. (Read: It will likely sell out very soon.)

It’s not the first time she wears one of Onia x We Wore What’s swimsuits. In January, Jenner posted an image of herself lounging on a boat in a cowhide-print, buckle-belted one-piece from that same Western collection.

That one is still available for purchase, too—not from Amazon, but from PacSun. The print is also available in bikini form.

PacSun

Onia x We Wore What Danielle One-Piece Swimsuit

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Who knew keeping up with the youngest Kardashian-Jenner’s style could be so easy?

These Photos From Kourtney Kardashian’s 40th Birthday Party Are Wild

Another day, another wildly luxurious Kardashian party to (virtually) attend.

Just last weekend, the first family of reality television got together to celebrate the first birthday of Khloé Kardashian‘s daughter, True Thompson—complete with a very awkward moment with True’s scandal-ridden dad, Tristan Thompson. Now it’s Kourtney Kardashian‘s turn to blow out the candles. Forty of them, to be exact.

Since this is the Kardashians we’re talking about, Kourt’s party looks like it cost a bazillion dollars and was thankfully well documented on social media. Before they even got to the event, the family shared lots of memories and birthday wishes for Kris Jenner‘s firstborn. “Happy Birthday @kourtneykardash I honestly can’t believe the life we have lived,” Kim Kardashian caption some adorable old photos. “It’s such a dream to go through it all with having a sister like you by our side! You have taught me so much throughout life. You’re such an amazing mom and friend! Can’t wait to celebrate you tonight! I love you beyond what you could imagine ✨”

Stephanie Shepherd, former assistant to Kim and a close friend of Kourtney Kardashian’s, shared birthday wishes and sent over a cake designed as a Time magazine cover touting Kourt as “The Original Macrobiotic MILF.”

Now let’s get to this party, which featured a cake with a naked replica of Kourtney sitting on a bathtub, bottles of liquor with her face on them, and napkins that called out some of the most iconic moments from Keeping Up With the Kardashians like “Kim, there are people that are dying” and “most interesting to look at.”

Take a look:

All the sisters were very sparkly, of course.

Robin Thicke, Khloé’s ex French Montana, Travis Scott, and Kanye West were in the house, along with Paris Hilton, Grandma MJ, and momager Kris.

It seems like a good time was had by all. Happy Birthday, Kourt!

Here’s How to Make the Absolute Most Out of Your Credit Card Points

Last summer one of my closest friends was hellbent on spending $4,000 on her Chase Sapphire card. A bit of context: if you spend $4,000 during the first three months of opening the card, you’re given 60,000 bonus points (which amounts to $750 toward travel.) There was just one slight hiccup. She couldn’t afford to spend nearly enough to make her goal.

So instead, she begged her friends—myself included—to let her purchase anything and everything on her credit card (and then Venmo her back). A fancy new pair of shoes for her sister? Swipe. Every Lyft we took that summer? Swipe. A pal’s trip to California? Swiiiiiiipe. In the end, she hit the $4,000 mark. Hers was perhaps not the most organized protocol, and, sure, a lot of people don’t want to have to send their friends effective invoices for three months. But credit card points are a great way to help pay for your bucket-list trip to the Maldives, or make a dent in the balance on your card (cautionary tales aside.) Still, when are points worth it and when are the plans cards offer a waste? To answer that question, and some others that we had in the process, we’ve created a guide to some of the most popular options on the market.

It’s time to figure out your credit card personality

No, I’m not suggesting that if you’re an Aquarius that you should apply for an Amex, or ENFJs can only bank with Discover. But before you apply for your next credit card it’s important to evaluate the ways you’re already spending your money—and find a rewards program that most aligns with your habits. “You need to really pay attention to how you’ll be earning the points on your card,” says Jenn Monahan, a trainer at The Financial Gym, a financial planning company that takes a fitness-inspired approach to money management. “For example, if you live alone in New York City, you’re not filling up a gas tank or going grocery shopping as much as someone who lives in a suburb. So programs that offer cash back on gas and groceries won’t make as much sense for you.”

Once you determine your spending priorities, you can find your credit card match. Brian Kelly, the founder of The Points Guy, suggests that “at least one of the credit cards in your wallet rewards you for the types of purchases you make most often.” He notes the Amex Gold card as a good example for people who love to dine out; it earns four times the points at U.S. restaurants. (For more recommendations from Kelly, check out his “Ultimate Guide to the Best Cards for Each Bonus Category”.)

Now start spending, shopping, and splurging smarter

As my friend’s obsessive points game demonstrates, you shouldn’t spend money you don’t have—but it is true that credit card sign up bonus programs offer some great rewards. And it’s not just Chase Sapphire. Capital One, Wells Fargo, Discover, and more have a wealth of bonuses that are worth exploring in this Nerd Wallet guide. Of course, if you plan to take advantage of these bonus programs, budget accordingly. Look at the next six or so months and think about what bigger purchases you have planned. Then make sure to pay for them all on that card, so you reach your limit without resorting to shopping around for things you don’t need.

As you’re spending the amount to hit the bonus goal, or just regularly using you card—there are ways to earn even more from your purchases. “Most cards have partnership programs, meaning that there are certain brands you can shop for your day-to-day purchases that will score you more points than their competitors,” Monahan says. You can, for example, earn more points shopping at Bed Bath and Beyond than at Target with your Discover Card. And when you’re shopping online, don’t just stick to Amazon for all your needs. “Whenever you make a purchase online, make sure to go through a shopping portal,” says Kelly. “This way you’re not just earning points off your spending—but also from using a portal like United MileagePlus Shopping, JetBlue Shop True, or Chase Ultimate Rewards Shopping [if you have their cards].” When you log into one of these portals, it’ll showcase the different retailers you can shop to earn extra points. Like with JetBlue Shop True, if you click on Neiman Marcus—through JetBlue’s redirect to their website—you earn a point for every dollar you spend. Bonus: there are normally huge rewards hauls during holidays like Mother’s Day, so be sure to take advantage while browsing for the perfect gift.

Make sure to avoid these common pitfalls

While there are some very alluring rewards programs out there—they might not all be the best fit for you. “You can get into a really elite travel rewards program, but you may need to rack up $5,000 in expenses in the first four months,” says Monahan. “If you know you can’t do that—and keep in mind, you can’t charge your rent—then it’s not worth the risk of going into debt.” And while most of the time signing up for these rewards programs are free, the high-tier ones typically come with a high annual fee, which can ultimately negate your savings.

5 Women Try Kat Von D’s Vegan Mascara, Go Big or Go Home – Reviews With Photos

Vegan beauty—makeup and skin care that’s made without any animal by-products—is getting better by the minute. But one category it’s taken a while to catch up on is mascara. The majority of mascara formulas often rely on beeswax, which helps with glide and shine. That’s not to say there aren’t any great ones, in fact some of Sephora’s top-sellers (like Too Faced’s Better Than Sex) are vegan. It’s just a limited pool.

That’s why the internet was so excited that another option would be joining the party when Kat Von D announced it would be dropping a new mascara, Go Big or Go Home. It’s the brand’s first mascara launch in five years, and it’s 100 percent cruelty-free and vegan. The formula uses a plant-based blend of waxes from olive and sunflower oils in place of beeswax, and promises extreme volume, and fluffy, ultra-black lashes. Nancy McGuire, vice president of product development for Kat Von D Beauty tells Glamour, “We paid particular attention to the ‘weight’ of the formula. If the formula is too heavy, lashes droop during the day, and we wanted yours to be as good when you go home as when you first apply.”

We had five Glamour editors put that claim to the test. Read on for our honest reviews.

Lindsay Schallon, senior beauty editor
At first I was worried this was more of a no-mascara mascara. You know the ones that give just a little gloss and tint, but go easy on the volume? I like thick, long lashes—we’re talking falsie level big—and after a few swipes, this wasn’t doing it. But that’s when I realized that’s the magic in it. Five swipes is perfect for people who want a small boost. Keep building, and building, and building though, and that’s when you’ll get the extreme volume. It personally takes more swipes than I’d like (I think that’s because the formula is drier), but the tradeoff is it doesn’t smudge under your eyes. And no matter how much you build, the big brush always leaves your lashes fanned out.

Khaliha Hawkins, producer
This mascara provided the length and definition that my lashes need to frame my eyes. It’s the perfect mascara for when I’m not wearing any makeup or am wearing a natural look. Unfortunately, it’s not waterproof, so my runny eyes didn’t quite love it.

Bella Cacciatore, beauty assistant
I love how black this mascara is, and it definitely delivers on the volume claim. Length-wise it didn’t add too much to my itty bitty lashes, which paired with the extreme volume can make them look a little clumpy. But on the plus side, it didn’t flake or smudge, and despite how thickening it is my lashes felt light and fluffy.

Tara Gonzalez, commerce editor
Mascara is my favorite makeup step, so I typically don’t stray from what I use. I have larger eyes and want to make sure my lashes look as huge as possible. This mascara definitely took a couple swipes for me to start noticing a difference, and unlike most mascaras I use, it added more volume than length. That was great, though, because it made my lashes look full in a natural way.

Halie LeSavage, fashion associate
Kat Von D’s Go Big Or Go Home mascara delivers on voluminous, defined lashes. Mine weren’t quite as fluttery as the example on the box, but three coats made my short lashes stand out. For a more natural look, I shimmied the brush from the roots of my lashes to the ends. On mornings when I don’t have time for a full face of makeup, but still want to look awake, I’ll definitely be reaching for this.

Sephora

Kat Von D Go Big or Go Home Mascara

Buy Now

Bella Cacciatore is a beauty assistant at Glamour. Follow her @bellacacciatore_ on Instagram.

How to Save Money by “Paying Yourself First”

If even these types of steps seem overwhelming, there are a lot of other actions finance newbies can take to reconfigure their finances to fit any lifestyle—without necessarily going to extremes. For United Kingdom-based freelance marketer and editor Chiara Bullen, living in a lower-cost area and taking a hard look at where she can cut costs has helped tremendously. “I live in Glasgow, Scotland, which generally has a lower cost of living than other UK cities,” she explains. “It means the competition for freelance work here is pretty tough—and I often look for remote positions [which are], again, competitive—but the low rent really pays off and makes it worthwhile.”

Ann Gynn, a principal at G Force Communication, says one of the biggest errors she made when she first started working for herself was not factoring in extra expenses—like her computer, software, and printer ink—into her budget. Now, she makes sure to calculate those as well as retirement and health savings account (HSA) money into her expenses. “I also have two savings accounts—one for my business and one for my personal expenses,” she says. “The business savings account has two purposes: [To pay for] tools, third-party invoices, [and similar expenses] that will eventually be paid for by my clients, and [to] cover my ‘paycheck’ in times when existing work isn’t sufficient or cash flow has a hiccup.”

And for people who work for themselves or bring in additional income, there are other considerations to make. Stephanie Genkin, a Brooklyn, New York-based Certified Financial Planner and founder of My Financial Planner, LLC who has worked with many different clients including freelancers, independent contractors, and small business owners, says she sees the same mistakes from self-employed workers time and again. She recommends first setting aside money for immediate expenses, debt, and bills as well as taxes before you do anything else with your money. “Set up a separate bank account for [tax purposes]. It helps you detach from the money. You are just holding it for the IRS. Some banks let you give your account a nickname. Be specific. It’s not yours to spend,” she says. While salaried staff employees don’t necessarily need to juggle multiple savings accounts like Ann Gynn does, however, Genkin says they can be helpful for people who are freelancing or self-employed and want to separate items like tax money from vacation money.

If you have money left over, Genkin encourages women to put at least 10 percent of those funds into a retirement account like a 401(k) or an IRA, or a savings account to build up emergency funds. But be careful: Genkin says savers want to keep that money at arm’s length so as not to be tempted to dip into it whenever they want. “Typically, an emergency account is for job loss, medical and dental emergencies, family emergencies, car repairs when you need it to commute to work, forced move on short notice,” she says, “not cheap tickets to the Caribbean for spring break with friends.”

For Jillian, having such an aggressive savings plan came in handy when she had a month between jobs with no source of income and had saved up a year’s worth of money. “To me, the emergency fund is there as a ‘get out of jail free’ card,” she explains. “It’s a sign that my entire life could crumble and I would buy myself time to get myself on track. I will have the luxury to be able to endure almost anything. It’s freedom and security.”

For Sage Daugherty, saving up is about comfort. “My main motivation for saving right now is to just be able to go out and have a nice dinner or go shopping and treat myself a little, and not feel guilty about spending $100 or something like that,” she says. “Sometimes I feel like I am too frugal, and my parents sometimes remind me to ‘put a crowbar in my wallet’ and go have fun! I definitely try and balance it out.”

The Big Bang Theory Season 12, Episode 19 Recap: Amy Is Feeling the Pressure of the Nobel

Nobel Watch 2019 continued on The Big Bang Theory this week as Amy and Sheldon were forced to do damage control following their outburst (well, Amy’s) in front of laureates, peers, and imposters (Pemberton and Campbell, for those keeping track). It’s no Game of Thrones cliffhanger, but it’ll do, especially since we’re down to the last five episodes. Shamy has to win the Nobel eventually, right?

If it’s going to happen, President Siebert and Ms. Davis (Oscar winner Regina King, praise be) tell Sheldon and Amy that they’re going to have to run a near flawless campaign the rest of the way. That means keeping their mouth shut and not throwing accusations at anyone. “The science world is a small community. People talk,” Siebert says. The only thing to do is lay low and cancel all further speaking engagements.

But then, as if Sheldon and Amy don’t already know this (I mean, why do you think Amy had her outburst?), Ms. Davis says that “winning the Nobel is very important to us, and not just the university. Dr. Fowler, you would only be the fourth woman to win a Nobel prize in physics.” I have trouble believing that Amy isn’t aware of this, but apparently it’s news to her. Ms. Davis piles on the pressure by also pointing out that a win for Amy would be inspirational to an entire generation of young women. Hey, Ms. Davis and President Siebert, here’s a news flash: Why don’t you tell that to the fellow Nobel winners voting for them? Amy already knows she has to be on her best behavior, so what’s this added pressure going to do?

Well, for the sake of the next 18 minutes of the episode, it drives the story forward. Amy is so overwhelmed by potentially being only the fourth woman to win a Nobel in physics that she goes through an entire stick of antiperspirant in an hour. Leonard—clearly worried about the amount of sweat that Amy is producing—suggests that she and Sheldon (who’s also panicking) self-soothe in a sensory deprivation tank.

Shamy decides that self-care can’t be that bad and end up soaking in a tank that looks more like the egg-shaped vessel that Lady Gaga rode in on at the 2011 Grammys than anything else. I’m claustrophobic just looking at it.

Anyway, while Amy’s inside the vessel she sees an image of Ms. Davis talking to her and reiterating the dismal stats of female Nobel winners. That’s followed by images of young women blaming Amy for ruining their chances to win a Nobel. “I was going to be a scientist, but since you lost, I’m just going to have to give makeup tutorials on YouTube!” says one young woman. “Thanks for letting us down,” says another. “You’re such a disappointment!” adds someone else. Maybe this should be the punishment for all the parents involved in Operation Varsity Blues, but what on earth did Amy do to deserve this?

When the hour is up, Sheldon is calm as can be while Amy panics and calls herself a failure.

That afternoon, Amy’s more anxious than ever. She tells Sheldon it was bad enough when she was letting the two of them down; now if she doesn’t win the Nobel she’ll be letting all women down. Sheldon doesn’t know what to do except to Google “what to do when someone’s freaking out.” It says a walk can be calming, so Sheldon does that. It’s rude, but funny.

When he gets back, Amy is still upset so Sheldon asks Leonard and Penny for some advice. Leonard says the only thing he can do is just be there for Amy, but Sheldon doesn’t seem to know what that means. Penny points out that Amy’s always taking care of him, so perhaps that’s why it’s so hard with the roles being reversed. I don’t agree. Even though Sheldon will always think about Sheldon, he’s grown a lot in this area over the last few years. He knows what to do. The whole thing is kind of been there, done that.